The Wedding of Duo Maxwell
by babygray
Summary: DuoHeero. Duo has finally decided to get married to a nice girl and has asked Heero to be his best man. Weird thing is, Heero wants to be the 'bride'. Crossdressing, angsty, humorous, changing POVS, sappy, really obvious, and kinda out there...


I usually do one of two things on my birthday: gripe and moan, or give myself (and the world) the gift of Crossdressing. (Apparently this year is a Crossdressing year. Happy Birthday to _Me_!)

_Title_: The Wedding of Duo Maxwell  
_Author_: Ileana A. (babygray)  
_Pairings_: Duo/Heero, Duo/OC  
_Disclaimer_: Gundam Wing is not mine. This is pure jest.  
_Warnings_: Rough, un-beta'ed. After EW, post-breakup, angsty. Crossdressing, humor, meta, and plot holes so gigantic, you can bury Godzilla in them. And the writing? Terrible. Worse than usual, even.  
_Note_: I wrote this for my birthday back in 2002. (If you're never read it, _it's new to you!_) It's still a favorite, only because it's such a wierd story to me. I stuck a couple notes on the bottom. Please Enjoy!

----------

Rumor mills have always been the best way to spread information to all the right people.

Duo had kept this in mind when he began telling people of his plans. He told only a few choice people, a few individuals that would get the ball rolling. Lady Une... Sally, certainly... Hilde and Relena were never good at keeping these sorts of things to themselves...

They told everyone, no doubt about that, and anyone they couldn't reach, or didn't know, found out rather quickly, for there was only six degrees separating Kevin Bacon to Duo Maxwell...

Or something like that.

The phone calls started a day later. People he met, people he was close to, people he hardly knew from Adam, but knew about him, were calling him, congratulating him on his decision. The whole world was his oyster... or something like that.

The letters, postcards, and greeting cards came some time after that. It took a few days, of course, but they said the same things the callers had. Who's the lucky girl? When is it? Can I be your best man?

One caller that he did not expect came personally some 24 hours after Duo got the rumor mills going.

It was odd finding out that the paperboy also leaves Heero Yuy on your front doorstep.

-----

The look of hunger and thirst was in Heero's eyes, but Duo never let on that he noticed. There was no need to bring up things from the past.

"So I take it you're getting married," Heero said as Duo placed a cup of coffee in front of him. He had made sure there was the right amount of sugar in it without even noticing.

"Oh, I figured you'd find out sooner or later," Duo said, sitting down in the chair opposite Heero, his own cup of coffee already half-empty. Duo still took his black.

"Who is she?" Heero asked before taking a sip. He had an idea as to who it was, but he was certain it had been much less than a year since Duo and his little bride-to-be met, even without the electronic and hard evidence he's been collecting on Duo since... "Do I know her?"

"No, I don't think you do." Not personally, he added to himself, more than certain his pal has been keeping tabs on him. Duo had not been one to cover his tracks, especially since... "She'll be here later though. She's picking her dress out right now."

"I see."

Duo smiled. "Say, Heero." Heero looked up from his coffee. "You mind being the best man?"

To Heero's credit, he didn't do a spit take, but finished drinking his coffee calmly.

"You know," Duo continued, "throw me a bachelor party. Make sure I don't chicken out at the last minute. That sort of thing." He placed his cup of coffee on the tabletop. "And don't worry. You'll just love Sophia."

-----

Weren't those simpler times?

Heero could remember exactly how Duo smelled after a long day. He worked with kids, in spite of all the hoopla about his mental health after the war. He assisted a kindergarten teacher and did much of the menial labor required (cutting, pasting, decorating, cleaning up), but he loved it. Heero saw it in his eyes every afternoon when he returned.

He smelled of crayons... baby powder, too, though that's completely inexplicable. Once, he accidentally smelled of Play-Doh after one kid mashed it into his hair. It was amusing, hearing Duo washing it all out.

He remembered how Duo smelled after a shower. He usually washed his hair once or twice a week with some low-priced shampoo and conditioner, just for rinsing out the grime. It smelled clean, his hair, after he gets out of the shower and immediately braids it up. His skin smelled just as clean, like soft white soap.

He remembered how they smelled after sex. He hated the smell of sex and sweat and ass since then, but, when Duo still washed his hair in their apartment and came home smelling of crayons and little children, Heero had marked Duo's musk as special, unique.

He still did.

Now, weren't those simpler times, that time long ago that was only about them and their happiness? The times when Heero never worried about breaking down in the realization that Duo will soon be out of reach for good?

-----

Duo's little bride-to-be was pretty, with short dark hair and almond-shaped eyes.

Sophia had come back to Duo's house in such a flurry of happiness for one reason or another that she didn't noticed her fiancé had a guest. She was too intent on kissing Duo out of his clothes to see the man he was talking to only a few seconds before.

Watching Duo return the kiss only made Heero feel worse.

-----

What were the words Duo used?

Every time he felt low, saddened, lost... frustrated and on the edge of some terrible, emotional cliff... Duo was there with warm arms that smelled of fabric softener in the morning and children in the afternoon.

"Just ask," he would whisper in Heero's right ear, his cheek nuzzling against Heero's hair when Heero felt like giving up.

"Just ask," he would say against Heero's skin after making love to him in the dark and on cotton sheets they had bought together.

"Just ask," he had said as their relationship began to go downhill.

Yes, Heero had needs. He had wants. He wanted Duo to be his forever. He wanted Duo to love him and he alone. He needed Duo's smile in the afternoon, his coffee in the morning, and his warm compassion and arms at night.

"Just ask," Duo said, waiting for Heero's reply.

It never came.

And Duo went away.

-----

So, the relationship stopped working because you couldn't form your needs in the form of a question? Like Jeopardy?

Something like that. I was too weak to admit what I needed in the first place...

-----

The dinner was rather delicious. White rice. Red beans. Golden-brown chicken. At least, Sophia would be able to satisfy Duo's stomach.

She was either clueless as to what Heero was in Duo's past, or chose to ignore it. All throughout dinner, she had treated him amicably. "Anyone that's a friend of Duo's is a friend of mine," she said with an open smile.

She was honestly pleasant and, though Heero hated himself for even admitting it to himself, he was starting to like the girl that took his place by Duo's side.

"Well, I hope that when you get married," she said as she wrapped an arm around Duo's shoulders, pulling the man closer to her, "you'll make Duo your best man. Return the favor and all that."

"That'll be a long time from now, I'm sure," Heero said in a soft voice.

"Oh, don't say that!" Sophia said, reaching out to touch Heero's hand. "You'll find someone, just you wait. The right person's just waiting for you, somewhere."

-----

Heero had never realized that there was so much involved in planning a wedding. Gowns. Tuxedos. The venues. The flowers. The rings. The catering. The transportation. The licenses. The preachers. The invitations. The decorations. The souvenirs. The liquor. The seating arrangements. The photographers. The plans for the honeymoon...

Then there's the media, who had somehow got word of the announcement and began camping out in front of Duo's home. Somewhere, between the 3rd, 4th, or 5th degree, someone began giving the information to the wrong people.

There were the prank calls, the annoying calls, the calls from people that just had to get into the wedding. There were the arrangements to be made for media access, if any. There had to be found hotel rooms for all the invited guests, and hope that all the uninvited ones don't get in. Hence, there's also the question of security.

Somehow, Heero was roped into the situation by just being there. "But you're the best man," Sophia would wail before clasping his arm in a deathgrip and dragging him to the florist or the dressmaker's. "But you're the best man," Duo would insist as he made him work on the security or intimidate the photographer to offer more for less.

Heero, of course, had his own reasons to give them a hand.

Somehow, Heero became more and more Sophia's little wedding shopping companion/errand boy. At first, all he had to do was sit around and hold the keys to the car and her purse. He drove and made himself practically invisible as Duo's fiancée make small talk and examined goods. On occasion, she would ask for his opinion, as if it was his wedding and not Duo's, but that was all right at the time.

It slowly became weirder, however.

Once, at the florist, in order to judge how some flowers would look, Sophia had Heero hold a wedding bouquet and pose for her as she and the florist looked on.

Another time, at the jeweler's, he was made to wear a few necklaces and model some choice wedding bands so that Sophia had an idea as to how other people would see them.

The final straw was at the dressmaker's.

-----

Seriously, you're such a punk.

That's not news. I hear that all the time.

-----

The seamstress, in spite of the sheer weirdness of the situation, couldn't help but gush, "Oh Lord, he looks so precious!"

Heero frowned and crossed his arms across the expanse of his chest, which was defiled at the moment by white satin and lace. He refused to shift his legs, not wishing the fabric to rub against his skin. He refused to look at himself in the mirror, no matter how 'precious' the sight. This was embarrassing and annoying and both Sophia and Duo will get a piece of his mind when they get back home.

"See, I told you he looks just like me," Sophia insisted as she admired the view a few feet away. If Heero weren't so embarrassed, he would have killed her already. "The lady I bought the rings from said the same thing."

"You're so right!" said a woman at Heero's feet, pinning a few things at the hem. "If it wasn't for the hair..."

"And the eyes," the seamstress continued.

"Yeah," Sophia agreed, picking up a discarded wedding veil and daintily placing it on Heero's head so that he could model that as well. "But his hair's too long for me."

-----

Perhaps it was easier for Heero this way.

He had taken to living with Duo and his fiancée, sleeping on the couch with only a pillow, a blanket, and cable television to keep him company. It was free, he reasoned. It was close to the action.

And action there was, every damn night, from the bedroom Duo and Sophia retired to after the late night news. He could hear some words. He could barely hear the whispers, but he knew what they were screaming and moaning about at around 2 in the morning.

It didn't annoy him as much as cause him great grief, listening to the person he still yearned for making love to 'Heero in female form', as opposed to the real thing.

He never cried, but he wanted Duo to be back with him, as much then as in the past.

He still wanted to be Duo's one and only. He still needed his smile, his words, his coffee, and his compassion.

Though, at first, it was sheer convenience, the reason why they lived together... They had great sex. Two paychecks. Purely physical reasons...

Now...

Still...

He wanted Duo back...

He needed a plan.

-----

Just ask, Heero.

Give me a minute. Let me finish

-----

Somehow, everything was falling into place. The guests came in droves, making the large venues Duo and Sophia choose seem somehow too small for the situation. As they took their seats, Duo and Heero waited patiently for the wedding to officially start.

"Duo," Heero said softly as he fiddled with his cufflinks. He sat, hunched over somewhat, his hair falling over his eyes.

"Yeah, man?" Duo retied his bowtie for, probably, the seventh time, still unsatisfied.

The words were there, waiting to be uttered in the form of a question. The needs, the wants, were real enough to warrant the words.

He cowered away.

"I can't do this," he said with some finality as he got up from the folding chair and headed for the door.

"Do what, Heero?"

Heero paused, not looking at his friend as he watched him with a confused expression in his eyes. "I... I'm sorry." He opened the door and walked out.

Duo smiled a bit as he thumbed the cufflink on his right sleeve.

-----

About time you grew some balls! I mean, Jesus. You let the GIRL dress you up. You sleep just down the hall and hear everything. You help plan the wedding, while you're miserable as shit!

Wait. It gets better.

-----

"The Wing's aloft," a tinny female voice stated, filtering through the earpiece he was wearing.

Duo smiled and raised his eyes to the crucifix towering over the altar. "Thank you God," he whispered to himself.

"For what? Letting you live this long?" Wufei said with some irritation in his voice, but pure, unadulterated joy in his eyes.

Duo gave his brand-new best man an open smile. "Something like that."

On cue, the lights in the large cathedral began to dim and organ music began to play. In the electric version of 'candlelight', the flowers that Sophia picked for the event looked simply heavenly. The bridesmaids each floated up to the altar, as beautiful as flowers in the field.

Yet, these women, however exquisite they appear, where nothing compared to the ethereal sun.

The bride...

-----

No, wait, let me guess...

-----

Heero had his doubts. He was afraid. He was embarrassed and utterly humiliated, and that was before he even reached the altar.

He has been amazed as to how easy it was to get to the bride's waiting room, in spite of all the security Duo and he ordered for the event. He had taken down Sophia just as easily. Getting the dress and the veil on as well was just as simple.

But...

It was the simplicity of it all that was getting to him, even more so than the smile Duo was giving him as he approached the altar. That smile was supposed to be for Sophia, the woman Duo loved, not for the foolish man that lost him already.

But, it was too late to turn back. He was already half-way there.

If it turns for the worst, at least he knew that death was the only way out. Only the night before had he realized that a life without Duo, however clichéd, was not the life for him. And white was always the proper color for a ritualistic suicide.

But, if it turns for the better...

-----

I was right.

Shut up.

Make me.

-----

Heero was shaking. What an impossibility, but it was true. Heero was shaking. He was shaking when they exchanged vows. His hands trembled as they exchanged rings. And now he was shuddering without control as the preacher finally said those few words that would forever tear the veil from the farce once and for all.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Heero kept his eyes closed, afraid that he'll be found out if Duo realizes that he was looking into blue eyes, instead of her brown ones. He was so afraid of what would happen next that the pressing of Duo's lips against his own stunned him rather efficiently.

It was nice, warm, palatable, as Heero opened his mouth slightly and kissed Duo back. He did not hear the cheers until Duo pulled back.

Too stunned to do otherwise, Heero fluttered his eyes open and was greeted by a rather bemused Duo. "Guess I should have asked you instead, huh Heero?"

-----

"So I told him I'd do it," Sophia said to her coworkers as they sat at a table, opening admiring her work on the wedding. "But at double the usual rate. And bonuses." The wedding planner took a swig of her Corona, being careful not to make a popping sound when she removed her lips.

"Well, you sure did a great job on this one," Valerie said, trying to push some of her long hair out of her eyes. "You should try doing match-making on the side."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Sophia cried out, almost splashing her Corona on the table. "This match was pure luck, okay? Don't you start..." The other women started laughing, only imaging how _terrible_ it was for Sophia to not only fake interest in a gay man, but also make it appear as if they were having glorious sex every night...

Somewhere on the dance floor, the two newlyweds were dancing... pretty badly, unfortunately, but, as they say, one embarrassing situation must always be followed by another.

Or something like that.

"Duo?" Heero said, whispering into Duo's right ear. He felt completely more comfortable in the tuxedo as they danced cheek to cheek to a slow French tune.

"Yes?" Duo responded, pressing his lips lightly on Heero's ear lobe.

"Can we stay like this... for a while, at least?"

Duo brushed Heero's bangs back and kissed his lips. "We could stay like this forever if you want. All you have to do is ask."

-----

God, that was stupid, Heero.

Then why are you blushing, Duo?

Well... The wedding dress idea is really kinky...

Duo.

Okay. I'm a sap. There. But you're still a punk.

Hn.

----end-

_More Notes_ (just for fun): Those odd conversations sprinkled in there is me arguing with Heero/the story. (I wonder if that counts as a self-insert.) In an older version of this, I tried to pass the whole story off as a dream, but, let's face it, even as a dream, it's still frighteningly bad. :-) It's crazy how... happy this story makes me. I'm quite proud of it, even. (Good thing I have another birthday gift to give this year, instead of just this old thing. :-3 )


End file.
